and then she can't
by tomlinsons
Summary: Lavender's second favorite subject  behind Divination, of course  is Astronomy. Not many people know that.


**title**: and then she can't  
><strong>character(s)<strong>: Lavender Brown  
><strong>rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>words<strong>: 824  
><strong>prompt<strong>: lavender brown - second war - _all she ever wanted was to watch the stars, to trace their path across the night sky _  
><strong>summary<strong>: _Lavender's second favorite subject (behind Divination, of course) is Astronomy. Not many people know that._ There are many things people don't know about Lavender Brown.

Lavender's second favorite subject (behind Divination, of course) is Astronomy. Not many people know that. Parvati and Seamus and Dean know it, but not many people do. Of course, not many people know Lavender. She is the girl who loves Divination and used to date Ron Weasley. She is the girl who is a Gryffindor and clung to Ron Weasley. She is the girl who is best friends with Parvati Patil and almost ruined Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley's friendship. That is what everyone says. Lavender doesn't like what everyone else says, but there's not much she can really do about it. She knows first hand that gossip spreads and people can't stop it (_she has spread gossip and people have not been able to stop it_). That's something else people don't know about Lavender: she feels. She feels a lot. When she sees first years cowering at the sight of the Carrows, she feels for them. When she sees Neville tortured and bloodied and _broken so broken_, and yet, still fighting, she feels a sort of swelling pride in her heart. _Neville Longbottom is a Gryffindor and he is brave. I am a Gryffindor and_ I _am brave_, she thinks.

She feels the most when she is in the Astronomy Tower, after everyone has gone back to their Common Rooms for their own sense of safety. Lavender doesn't go back to the Gryffindor Common Room because she doesn't like the Gryffindor Common Room. It is hopeless and helpless and it is dead. So she does not return to the Common Room until she absolutely has to, trying to evade the Carrows' ever watchful eyes at the same time. They have _their people_ everywhere but it has been months and Lavender _knows_ who they all are. The Inquisitorial Squad has been assembled again and it is more ruthless, cruel, and unyielding than before, and they relish their power with no restraint. The Astronomy Tower is by no means safe, but it is a safe haven for her, enclosed by the night sky and the stars, which she can all name. It gives her a sense of familiarity because it is unchanged by the appearance of the Carrows. They can't do much with the study of celestial objects. Unless they decide to rename all the stars after famous Death Eaters or something. That might change things. But that seems unlikely, so far.

She can't help but revel in the contrast of the stars against the sky because to her, it is so plain and simple and _not complicated_ whereas the rest of the world spinning around her is too messy and noisy and _much too much too much too much too complicated_. Her worries are on the backburner in the Tower and this is where just feels. She shudders a sigh, she lets her shoulder slump (instead of keeping them straight and strong and proud), and she says a silent prayer to wish her house, her friends, her family, and Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger well. One day, her prayers will be heard, she thinks (_hopes and hopes and hopes and hopes_).

When the Carrows shut off the Astronomy Tower, Lavender feels like she has lost a part of herself. She doesn't see it coming but the Carrows have grown increasingly volatile in their actions around Hogwarts. It is a clear indication that they're losing what little control they have over the students.

If the students have fun, ruin it.  
>If the students disobey, make them obey.<p>

(_It's torture, all torture, and even the strong fall._)

If the students seek a safe place in the Astronomy Tower, take it away.

When the Carrows cut the Astronomy Tower off from her, Lavender flings herself into Dumbledore's Army. When her name is revealed as one of the members, her new safe haven is the Room of Requirement. But it's not the same. There are no stars, there is no _real_ sky (because try as it might, the artificial image of a dark sky with stars pales in comparison to the real thing), and there is no silence and peace for herself and herself alone. The rest of Dumbledore's Army occupies the room with her and it is claustrophobic, to say the least, even for the Room of Requirement.

But she misses the stars and the sky and the peace and quiet and she misses being Lavender Brown in the Astronomy Tower. When the battle rolls around, Lavender does not feel safe or secure, but she has one thought:

_When this is over, I get my stars and my sky back._

Then Fenrir Greyback strikes. And she does not feel like braving the night anymore.


End file.
